SuperTed (1982)
First episode title: SuperTed and the Inca Treasure
How familiar with the show am I?: I remember watching it as a kid, but I don't really remember the specifics.
SuperTed is a teddy bear who can become a superhero. Accompanied by his alien sidekick, the Spotty Man, they fight the forces of evil in the world - that is, the greedy cowboy Texas Pete and his goons.
The opening sequence explains Ted's backstory. Teddy bears are being made by a machine in a factory - it detects some unspecified thing wrong with one of the bears and deposits it into a chute, leading to a storeroom that seems to contain a bunch of other similarly broken toys. Then a rocket ship lands outside(!), and a Spotty Man gets out and comes into the storeroom through the window, and uses his "cosmic dust" to bring the teddy bear to life. His motivations for such an action are not explained. Spotty takes the bear to the magic cloud where Mother Nature lives (naturally), and she gives him the power to transform into SuperTed (by shedding his skin to reveal a superhero costume underneath). Honestly, it's a lot to take in, delivered in about forty seconds!
This episode begins in a South American jungle. In an area where no-one has been for "almost a thousand years", according to the narrator, we find an ancient Inca temple. (Do not attempt to learn history from this cartoon. A thousand years ago would be centuries before the founding of the Inca Empire.)
Then we see a museum owner with an atrocious Hispanic accent explaining to Ted (not in Super form) and Spotty that the Incas kept gold and jewels in their temple, and that he would like the treasures to be brought back to the museum to be safe from thieves.
Spotty: Yes, well, don't you worry, Mr Rodriguez. Whenever there are thieves about, we're always first on the spot!
Spotty makes "spot" references like this all the way through. His comically excitable voice is provided by Jon Pertwee, who you may know as the Third Doctor from Doctor Who.
Now we return to the jungle, where SuperTed's main enemies are coincidentally also planning to head to the Inca temple. With the whole world to choose from, what are the odds? These characters are the aforementioned Texas Pete (often referred to as Tex), the dim-witted and overweight Bulk, and the camp gay skeleton who is simply called Skeleton.
The three of them start heading through the jungle, accidentally hitting each other with tree branches as they go, and getting all sorts of messy.
Skeleton: Why do we have to come through this horrible jungle? Yuck! It's crawling with beetles and snakes! It's revolting.
Bulk: Yeah, it's revolting, horrible, disgusting... but I like it!
As Bulk lies on the ground after getting whacked by a branch, we see Ted and Spotty in a distinctly Spotty-patterned rocket ship, flying through the sky. They've identified the jungle they're looking for, but they haven't spotted the Inca temple yet. Unfortunately for them, the villains have spotted their ship (which Tex calls "that spotty sausage that Spotty Man flies"), and Tex prepares to open fire on them.
There's something about the way Texas Pete is animated in some shots, like the one above, that I'm not sure how to describe - it's almost like the animators are less comfortable animating a realistically-proportioned character like Tex than the more cartoony-looking designs of the other characters, or that his movements are harder to convey in this style.
Tex shoots the rocket ship! I love the silly panicked noise that Spotty makes.
Ted: Pulsating prunes! We've been hit! Bail out, Spotty!
Spotty falls from the ship, yelling that he's forgotten his parachute! Pretty important thing to forget. Ted turns to camera and says that he'll say the secret magic word (but we don't get to hear it), and he takes off his skin (I'll never get over this) to become SuperTed!
SuperTed flies down from the rocket to catch Spotty, which he does, and they look adorable together. Meanwhile, the villains have reached the temple. Tex orders Bulk to break down the door of the place, but it won't budge.
They're all tired out, so Tex suggests taking a rest. Skeleton, somehow completely by accident, manages to mistake the lap of a huge ape for a seat, and gets a nasty shock when he realises where he is sitting.
This causes Skeleton to literally fall to pieces, which seems to be a not uncommon occurrence for him. Tex and Bulk burst out laughing at his misfortune, and Bulk pounds a part of the statue he's sitting on, which turns out to be a secret lever - the door opens! The three of them go inside.
Bulk: Good idea of mine, opening those doors.
It's dark and creepy inside, though, and they get spooked by a face that turns out to just be a decoration. Make a note of that. At the same time, SuperTed and Spotty land outside the temple, worried that the open doors mean they're too late.
Ted: It's dark in there. You go first, Spotty.
Spotty: [scared noises] No! No no no, after you! It takes longer for my spotty eyesight to adjust!
The villains, meanwhile, have reached a room absolutely full of treasure. They start laughing and dancing about with gold coins and jewels - and SuperTed and Spotty can hear the commotion from where they are! Not clearly enough to tell what it is, though. The two of them start to wonder whether some kind of Inca spirit is present in the temple, while the ape from earlier looms behind them, unseen.
Back in the treasure room, Skeleton is asking Bulk whether he'd look best in diamonds or rubies, when SuperTed flies in, picks them up, and throws them to the ground, Skeleton ending up in pieces once again. Seeing that it's those two, Ted wonders where Texas Pete is, and his question is immediately answered - Tex laughs from outside the room as he pulls a lever that shuts the door, trapping all four of SuperTed, Spotty, Bulk, and Skeleton inside.
As they all worry that they may never get out (Spotty wonders if he'll ever see the "Planet Spot" again), they're scared by a large shadowy figure - the ape, who lifts up a slab of stone to reveal a secret passage in the floor!
Ted: Let's go! It may be dark, it may be dank, but a bear who isn't brave just isn't a bear!
He's inspiring!
Out in the jungle, Tex is getting away with a bag filled with jewels. He laughs about never seeing SuperTed again, and distinctly pronounces super as "syooper", a trait I also noticed about the narrator in Super Friends. Our heroes are in a cave that the secret passage led to, and the only way out is through water - they all dive in, although Skeleton is reluctant and has to be pushed in by the ape.
Tex has already reached his boat, and thinks he's free, letting out a nice evil laugh:
But he's shocked when SuperTed lifts up his boat from under the water - evidently the secret passage leads out to sea. Tex sobs about the fact that he never wins, while the ape starts tickling him to increase the torture.
The treasures are now safely back in the museum, and we get a big close up of the scary face from earlier in the light of day. Not so scary now! The museum owner expresses his thanks that now everyone can see the treasures, and Spotty mentions how good it is that the thieves are locked up - just as we see them, on display as an exhibit in a cage, dressed up in traditional outfits as if to model them!
Ted: That'll teach them not to tinker with the Incas!
