Rude Dog and the Dweebs (1989)
First episode title: Hello, Mr. Kitty? / The Fish Who Went Moo
How familiar with the show am I?: I hadn't heard of it before.
Rude Dog is a cool, white-with-neon-bits dog of indeterminate breed, who drives a Cadillac and lives in a sort of converted garage looking place with seven less-than-cool dogs called the Dweebs. It looks like it's his job to keep them out of trouble, whether it's from an evil dog catcher, from cats, or from their own stupidity.
The opening sequence explains the very little backstory we need on the premise - Rude Dog once saved the Dweebs from the dog catcher, and they've hung around with him ever since. The Dweebs are:
Kibble, a pink dog, the only girl
Winston, a purple dog with a posh English accent
Barney, a giraffe-patterned dog
Satch, a green dog with a stereotypical "idiot" voice
Caboose, a red dog with a stutter
Tweek, a tiny yellow dog
Reggie, a blue dog with a "hippy" voice
Rude Dog himself is, as you might expect, a little rude, but kinder than expected. He has a New York accent or something close to it, and he often talks directly to the audience.
The first of the episode's two segments is "Hello, Mr. Kitty?". It starts with a pan across the neighbourhood while Rude Dog's voice explains that this is where they all live, and we get a look at what the house looks like. The front has windows and a door, but they're all on a garage-style large door that can also open all as one piece. There's a sign on top advertising "Rude Dog Messenger Service" with the slogan "Need a delivery? Get rude!" There's no evidence throughout the episode of the main characters actually doing any work, though.
R.D. tells us that, on the morning of this story, he was still asleep but none of the Dweebs were, and so we see all of them except Tweek engaging in various activities inside the house. Winston is cleaning a telescope and accidentally hits Reggie with it as he turns, and after Reggie complains, Winston turns to look out the window with it and smashes the window! I can't tell if Winston is meant to have bad eyesight - his eyes do look permanently closed.
Rude Dog's bed is on a separate level above the main room, like a balcony. Rude Dog wakes up, in full bedclothes, and tells us it's hard to sleep late living with the Dweebs. He goes behind a screen with a shower above it, it's turned on for the smallest amount of time to give a burst of steam and a scream from Rude Dog, and then he immediately comes out from behind the screen, wearing only a collar now! Yes, that's his usual look. And, just like Donald Duck with a towel, it's hard to see why Rude Dog needed any privacy for that part.
Rude Dog looks out at the expanse of Dweeb behaviour below, declares it "Dweeb-o-rama", and then gets into his little car-shaped lift thing that takes him down to the lower level. Is this meant to be taken ironically? I like the car thing but I think most people would see it as more dorky than cool. He greets them all as "Dweebs, and Dweebette" because of Kibble. Oh dear.
Rude Dog asks where Tweek is, and Caboose starts to say "Um... uh..." like he's going to give an answer, but can't blurt it out, and so R.D. asks Winston:
Winston: I'm afraid the precise location of the "Tweek-ster" escapes me at this time, sir.
Barney holds out a toy cow and starts talking to Rude Dog through the cow, working "moo" puns into his speech. Rude Dog initially describes this as one of the unexpected joys of living with Dweebs, but eventually tires of it and shouts "Barney!", who drops the act and tells Rude Dog that he last saw Tweek talking to Caboose. Caboose starts talking, but in the middle of it he seems to have some kind of PTSD flashback to almost getting hit by a train at a level crossing. It's a really weird non sequitur and never comes up again. Eventually he manages to say that Tweek went out to get a newspaper and hasn't come back yet. The Dweebs are concerned, thinking that he might have encountered "Seymour", but Rude Dog says Seymour's just a cat and nothing to be worried about.
In the street, the tiny Tweek is struggling to push a rolled-up newspaper along, and Seymour, who's a blue cat with a big orange patch around one eye, is waiting around a corner with a dustbin and lid. He drops the dustbin, and Tweek jumps up into the lid in fright, and rolls away in it, hitting a pole. Then he staggers around and, in a daze, says "Could you pass the mashed potatoes please?", which I'd take as a typical "dazed character says something silly" line, but then Seymour passes him an actual plate with something white and brown on it? Mashed potatoes and gravy? And Tweek collapses into it. Seymour couldn't more obviously be Frank Welker - the voice is very close to Glomer.
Then we fade forward in time and Tweek is struggling with the newspaper again, and this time Seymour puts on a monster mask and big claw gloves and scares Tweek, causing him to crash into the front door of Rude Dog's place and flatten himself against it. Rude Dog and the other Dweebs come outside to investigate, and R.D. decides it's ridiculous for a bunch of dogs to be scared of a cat. Yeah, don't any of the others know how cartoons work?
He asks them all for suggestions on how to deal with a cat and they're all ridiculous, but the one that really annoys Rude Dog is when Satch suggests they should get a dog. He tells them they all are dogs, but Kibble doesn't think Dweebs count as dogs - Rude Dog starts to argue that if they were in a zoo they'd all be kept together, and that gives him an idea. Adorably, Rude Dog looks at the camera and asks how he can stay mad at the Dweebs. I like the fact that he's always sympathetic to them no matter what.
They go back inside to get in the car, and Seymour looks in through the window - when they open the garage door to leave, Seymour gets lifted up onto it, and, in response to the cat squealing noises, R.D. jokes that he needs to oil that door's hinges. Well, I assume it's a joke on his part, since he doesn't seem oblivious enough to mistake the one noise for the other.
The next thing we see is a dog catcher's van. You can tell by the sign on the side: a silhouette of a dog being caught in a net. The dog catcher is in the front, playing draughts (checkers) with his own dog, a big Rottweiler. This doesn't have anything to do with anything - they just happen to be playing a game. Then they see Rude Dog's car pass and the dog catcher starts driving, declaring that this will be the day they catch the Dweebs.
This dog catcher doesn't even feel like he's from the same show as the other characters, being such a stereotypical sort of "human trying to catch the animal protagonists" cartoon character and having an accent like Yosemite Sam. And his dog, unlike Rude Dog and the Dweebs, doesn't say actual words, instead just making vaguely speech-like dog noises, like Muttley from Wacky Races - often it sounds like he's repeating whatever the dog catcher is saying.
Rude Dog and the Dweebs arrive at the zoo, the dog catcher not far behind. Inside the zoo, Rude Dog tells the Dweebs that they are here on serious business, not for fun, only to notice that Barney is standing amongst some flamingos in a pond, quacking. R.D. tells him he's not a flamingo, and Barney apparently didn't realise that's what those birds were, because he says that explains why they didn't "speak duck". So, Barney played at being a cow earlier, and now he thinks he can speak duck. Interesting.
Rude Dog takes the Dweebs to see a wolf, which he explains is the cousin to all dogs, but it takes them a while to understand what he's on about. It seems like none of the Dweebs are very smart, even if Winston gives the impression he's the type of character that would be. Rude Dog tells them all that being related to a wolf means they can stand up to cats... so Satch walks right into a lion enclosure, which is just open for some reason, gets roared at off-screen, and backs out again, terrified.
Satch: Hey, Mr Cat! You know who I'm related to?
[lion roars]
Satch: [scared, backing away] That's right, the Easter Bunny. Hah! Good guess!
Elsewhere in the zoo, the dog catcher and his dog are disguised as a "rhino" in a kind of patchwork costume with the human at the front and the dog at the rear. They don't even get to use that disguise against Rude Dog before they have a run-in with a real rhino that launches them into the air. Even with their costume in half and mostly off, Satch manages to mistake them for a rhino as they fly past! Tweek correctly realises it's "the dog catcher and Rot", though. Yes, the Rottweiler's just called Rot! Rude Dog says they'd better keep their eyes peeled, and Winston finds that idea disgusting. I'd never really thought about that phrase that hard before.
The dog catcher does sneak up again, but he and Rot hide in the bushes to the side for now. Rude Dog reiterates that dogs should always be able to deal with cats, as long as they stay rude enough. What exactly qualifies under Rude Dog's definition of "rude", I do not know. Reggie indicates an enclosure off-screen and says that this cat is one they can't deal with, so Rude Dog tries to prove him wrong by walking right in. He doesn't see the sign labelling the animal in here as a "polecat". This word can refer to various weasel-like creatures in different places, but the definition they are using here is the one used in the Southern US, where it means "skunk". Rude Dog gets sprayed, and, not missing a beat, he comes back out (with visible stink lines) and hands out clothes pegs for the other dogs' noses (Satch instead puts his one on his ears...).
Rude Dog insists the skunk didn't outsmart him, and that no-one ever outsmarts him, and that that's why the dog catcher - who finally gets named "Herman" here - has never caught him. Immediately, Herman and Rot jump out, grab him, put him in the van, and drive off. But Rude Dog remains looking smug as they drive away - very soon, the van fills with the smell and they're forced to let him out again! And Rude Dog tells the Dweebs that that proves you can't be caught if you're rude enough. Again... I really have no idea what that means.
The final scene of the segment is Rude Dog driving the Dweebs away, saying that he'll need a tomato juice bath to deal with this smell. Satch asks if he can have a tapioca bath, and Rude Dog turns to the camera and says "Dweebs... you gotta love 'em." Clearly there is meant to be a joke here that Rude Dog's suggestion was sensible and Satch's was silly, but I had to look it up to find out what Rude Dog was talking about - apparently a tomato juice bath is a popular (but ineffective) American home remedy for skunk smell.
The other segment of the episode is "The Fish Who Went Moo". Once again, the episode starts with Rude Dog asleep, this time in a hammock on the roof of the building. The Dweebs come up through a hatch and are all shushing each other to be quiet, but Rude Dog greets them without even opening his eyes. Tweek says they didn't want to wake him, but Caboose, who seems to have no tact or just no awareness of any situation, says that they did. Rude Dog, proving my point from the Oakie Doke write-up, says that he had to get up anyway to see what the Dweebs wanted.
The Dweebs start to try to tell Rude Dog what it is they want, but they each in turn fail to get it out and pass the task off onto someone else. Finally, Barney is able to explain that they want to get a pet. Rude Dog obviously thinks this is too ridiculous for words because he doesn't even acknowledge it, instead silently going down through the hatch as the others follow. Once he's in his car-lift-thing, he tells the Dweebs he had a nightmare that they asked him for a pet, and of course they don't get the sarcasm. Tweek, in his enthusiasm to ask him whether they can get one, jumps into the car, and it slams down to the lower floor, Rude Dog irritatedly explaining that the lift is only calibrated for exactly his weight. The other Dweebs get down by climbing down a pile of trash that extends all the way from one floor to the other.
The garbage is the subject of the next conversation too, as Rude Dog points out there's no way the Dweebs will be able to look after an animal if they can't even clean up after themselves. He leaves them alone. Kibble doubts they would ever be able to clean up the place themselves, but Winston says he thinks they can, because according to him Britain cleaned up the whole of Crimea with just a handful of troops. Yeah... Britain did actually have a bunch of allies in the Crimean War, Winston. There's a weird bit where Winston orders "This way, men!", the other Dweebs all rush and push past him, and he says "Very well... that way." But they go the same direction he was already going!
So, they rush to "clean up" the place, which involves shoving a lot of things into too-full cupboards and underneath sofa cushions. Then they go back to Rude Dog, and tell him about how they're responsible enough for a pet and what they'll each do for it. I'm curious what it is that Winston says he'd do - teach it photography? Something like that. Satch, buried under the collapsed door from the cupboard after it bursts open, says that it would be his job to clean up, without a trace of irony.
Rude Dog: The last thing I need around here is a pet. The answer is-
[the Dweebs cry]
Rude Dog: [to the audience] How can I say the N-word to these guys?
...Yeah, you mean "No", right? That was a really weird way to express that, Rude Dog. Anyway, he agrees to it, and they all hit him with their demands for what type of animal it should be, ranging from alligator to zebra. Rude Dog tells them it has to be a goldfish. Smart.
Rude Dog says Barney should be the one to go and get the fish because he's the animal expert. So those weren't just random gags in the first segment, it's a character trait of his! The other Dweebs all respond "huh?" but I like that you can also hear a little "pardon?" in there from Winston.
When Barney gets back, Rude Dog is up on his level watching American football on TV, so it's only the Dweebs who see that when Barney gets back, he doesn't have a fish, he has a cow. There is much confusion. Tweek doesn't think a cow can even be a pet. The cow makes a "Maah" noise and Kibble says she doesn't sound like a cow, and Barney explains that's why the farmer didn't want her any more. What, would you really get rid of a perfectly good cow if the only problem was that she made the wrong noise?
They take the cow into the bathroom - Reggie explains to Winston that they're going to teach the cow to swim so that Rude Dog will think she's a fish. Ah, yes, of course, that'll work. Satch walks in wearing swimming gear, trips on his flippers, and flails around on the ground in a nearly-swimming motion.
Winston: I say, Satch, would that not work better in the water?
Satch: If I knew how to swim!
They try to put the cow into the bath, but she resists, and in the chaos Tweek ends up getting catapulted out of the bathroom and lands on Rude Dog's TV screen! He's still watching American football judging by what's on the screen, but the commentator seems to say something about skateboarding. Rude Dog peels Tweek off the screen, asks him whether Barney got back with the fish yet, and takes Tweek's nervous giggle to mean that he'd better come downstairs and find out what's going on.
When he gets to the bathroom, a shower curtain is present in front of the bath, and every Dweeb in there is doing the whole "casual whistle" thing. Seeing the bath, Rude Dog obviously jumps to the wrong conclusion about what exactly Barney did, because he asks him whether he did only buy one goldfish. But then the cow chews through the curtain and goes "Maah" and the jig is up.
Barney explains that he did buy a fish but then there was a farmer who wanted to give up his cow because she couldn't moo. He doesn't explain what happened to the fish.
Rude Dog says they have to get rid of the cow, but Kibble says that she can't survive out there in the world without a moo, in a very silly twist on the sort of thing The Little Mermaid was going for with Spot. Rude Dog tells the Dweebs they have thirty minutes to teach her to moo, and after that she has to go back to the farm. Well... the attempts to get her to moo fail. They basically just consist of saying "Moo" to her in various ways. And then Rude Dog decides he's curious why she can't moo, so he orders all the Dweebs and the cow into the Cadillac (it's very cramped) and drives them to the farm.
They reach the farm, and the farmer greets the cow as "Cleveland", which Rude Dog and the Dweebs are all surprised by. Rude Dog wants to know everything about this cow to solve the problem. He learns that the cow had been sleeping in the henhouse, drinking from the duck pond, and eating with the pigs. So the dogs all work together to fix the barn roof (that was why she was sleeping in the henhouse), give the cow a cowbell and a straw hat covered in flowers, and rename her to Bessie. Winston shows her how she looks in a mirror, and she finally moos! Rude Dog explains she can't act like a cow if she's not being treated like a cow, and said that this is "rude, but true". Yep, still not getting what he considers to be rude.
The farmer gladly takes the cow back, and the dogs are all ready to go until they realise they've lost Barney - he's in the henhouse, acting like a chicken. Rude Dog uses another old joke here, telling us Barney will snap out of it but at least they'll have eggs for breakfast.
My feelings on this show are mixed. I really like everything about Rude Dog himself - his design, his voice, his personality. I'm not so much of a fan of the portrayal of the Dweebs, though.