CBS Storybreak (1985)
First episode title: The Great Ringtail Garbage Caper
How familiar with the show am I?: I wasn't aware of it at all.
This is a type of show Debutniverse hasn't covered before - one where each episode is something completely different with no connection. If you think about it, you shouldn't really expect anything to stand out about the first episode in these cases, since it's not like they're introducing the show's characters or anything like that. This show adapts a different children's book each time.
The opening sequence demonstrates all the different kinds of story the show offers, showing us sights such as a robot riding a dragon through space, a dalmatian firefighter using a hose on a blazing kennel, and a flying horse on its way past a Greco-Roman monument. Then today's story itself is introduced by a live-action presenter, but I don't care about that because it's not cartoons.
The episode is called The Great Ringtail Garbage Caper, and it's about raccoons. Well, technically ringtails are just a species in the raccoon family so they're a slightly different thing from what you'd normally think of, but they consistently refer to themselves as raccoons within the episode so I'll be sticking to that terminology here.
After a way-too-long establishing shot of a town at sunrise, we cut to a street where a young raccoon called Joshua is struggling to open a bin, while his friend tells him the lid is too heavy, and Joshua ends up falling off the bin, unsuccessful. The raccoons in this mostly wear one or two items of clothing each, not enough to be dressed but enough to help identify them - the little Joshua wears red shorts, and his slightly larger friend wears a yellow T-shirt.
Let's explore the mystery of Joshua's friend. He's never named in the whole episode as far as I can tell, so I can only refer to him as Joshua's friend, and we'll see later that there are a couple of lines that kind of act as if he doesn't exist. My initial thought was that he's a named character from the book whose name happened not to get mentioned in the adaptation, but the latter detail makes me wonder if he didn't exist in the book and they just needed someone to accompany Joshua in what would otherwise be solo Joshua scenes, to give him someone to talk to.
They're both disappointed by Joshua's failure, but then a noise off-screen puts smiles on both their faces.
Joshua's friend: Joshua, the garbage truck's coming!
It shows up, and the two most incompetent dustmen in the world get to work. They're humans, if that wasn't assumed. They stumble over the bins, getting rubbish everywhere, and making a lot of noise, waking up everyone in the neighbourhood. We hear some dogs barking, which I think is the only sign of any animals other than humans and raccoons in the whole episode. The raccoons are happy because of all the garbage they'll get to eat. I'm not sure why Joshua was so desperate to open the bin if this is what usually happens - perhaps it was more about proving himself than actually reaching the trash.
As Joshua and his friend greedily scoop up as much rubbish as they can carry, we overhear a phone call:
Mayor: As mayor, I demand you find new more efficient trashmen!
I love that clunky "as mayor" so that the viewer knows who he is. He elaborates about the sort of dustmen he needs - ones who won't spill any trash - and Joshua stops in shock, telling his friend this may be the end of their meals of garbage. Well, he implies it will be the last meal they'll ever eat, but, as we'll see, the raccoons don't know any way to live other than eating garbage, so that's true as far as Joshua is concerned.
Next we see where the raccoons live - Raccoon Valley, a forest that seems to be a weird mix of natural and artificial, presumably using things scavenged from the humans. The focus is a big tree that has the canopy from the front of a human building, and a sign next to it reading "Town Hall". And inside, raccoons are feasting on garbage.
The feast is presided over by a white-haired raccoon in glasses who the others refer to as "great and oldest raccoon" - he doesn't seem to have a name either, but he at least has a title that everyone refers to him by, which is more identification than Joshua's friend gets. He tries to encourage the others to save some of their food, reminding them that it's a whole week until next trash day, but everyone rejects his concerns, raising a toast to "Hal and Al, the worst garbage collectors in the world".
That's when Joshua and his friend run in, telling the old raccoon that they have bad news, and this is the first of those parts I mentioned where someone acts as if Joshua's friend isn't there, as the old raccoon asks "Joshua, where have you been?" as if only one person had just entered the room. At first the old raccoon is annoyed that Joshua was out gathering food, because only grown-up raccoons are supposed to do that - that's a taste of the attitude Joshua will face throughout the episode - but when Joshua starts yelling that there's going to be no more garbage, all the raccoons in the crowd start to pay attention.
On hearing the explanation, the old raccoon assigns three other raccoons to investigate: Big Benjamin, one of the rare non-clothes-wearing raccoons; Fat Frederick, who wears a kind of one-piece blue outfit with a big button at the front, and who raised the toast to Hal and Al earlier; and Greasy Gene, who wears a headband and a neckerchief, and of course is not as big as the other two. Joshua also wants to go, but is once again rejected for being too young. His friend doesn't ask to go, and in fact only spoke once during this whole scene, to blame the "gathering food" idea on Joshua, an accusation that was ignored by everyone present.
The trio of grown-up raccoons go to peek into the mayor's office at the humans' City Hall. I can only speculate that it used to be called Town Hall, and the old sign is what the raccoons stole for their own community centre. Fat Frederick starts to say "I'm so hungry, I could eat a-" when he spots a barely-touched sandwich on the mayor's desk, and he dives through the open window, despite his friends trying to stop him. Yes, the guy called "Fat" Frederick is the greediest, if you hadn't guessed.
Gene: The call of the liverwurst was too strong!
Frederick is about to take a bite of the sandwich when the mayor and some other men enter, so he hides in a drawer. There's a tense moment when the mayor searches that same drawer for a file, but he somehow completely misses the raccoon as he searches blindly. Well, like I said, they're actually ringtails, so they should be smaller than cats, even though they're not drawn that way. Then the two new dustmen, Nip and Tuck, introduce themselves.
The only meaning of "nip and tuck" I already knew was that it can mean plastic surgery, which wouldn't really apply here, but according to Wiktionary it can also mean... evenly matched, which also doesn't apply here. So why those names? I asked around some friends and I did find one person who understands it to mean "fastidiously neat/cleaned up" (as well as a whole load of other meanings from other people), so I suppose that's why. (Also, the universe seems to be playing tricks on me right now - I learned the "evenly matched" meaning of "nip and tuck" when looking it up for that paragraph, and about an hour later I heard it used that way on a game show.)
Anyway, Nip and Tuck start reciting their qualifications for the job as garbage men, silly things like "creative sanitation" and a PhD in "slush". All the while, Frederick is still trying to get the sandwich - Tuck throws it in the bin (that's someone else's lunch!) and Frederick almost grabs it but fails, and repeatedly has to dodge the humans as they move around the room. There are four men in the room - the mayor, Nip and Tuck, and the man who has hired those two on the mayor's behalf, presumably the same man the mayor spoke to on the phone earlier. Weirdly, we never see that man properly - he's presumably the pair of legs that follows the mayor into the room at the start of the scene, and we hear his voice a lot throughout this scene, but we never see any of him from the waist up.
Frederick ends up on a mantelpiece just as Tuck is cleaning it - clearly keeping things tidy is more than just a job for these two - and Frederick disguises himself by pretending to be one of the cherubs decorating an urn. It looks as unconvincing as it sounds, and Tuck does take a look after Frederick sneezes, but hilariously he doesn't see anything wrong. Eventually Frederick escapes through the chimney and tells the other two that they need to get to the Sanitation Yard to check out the new garbage truck that Nip and Tuck have brought with them.
Just as they said, the trio go to the yard, spying on Nip and Tuck from a tree:
Greasy Gene is apparently the mechanic of the trio (that would explain the nickname), but even he has no idea what they're doing, so Frederick tries to get a closer look, creeping along a branch that can't hold his weight and falling down... onto Joshua and his friend! This is the other scene that acts as if the friend doesn't exist, with Frederick and Benjamin both reprimanding Joshua as if he's the only one who has done anything wrong, and Joshua insisting he's not too young to help them. Joshua's friend isn't even given the courtesy of a speaking part this time, so you could erase him visually from each shot and the scene wouldn't be odd. What is up with this character? And all five raccoons watch the new dustmen drive off in the shiny new truck.
Back at the raccoons' Town Hall, Benjamin and Gene are up on stage with the old raccoon explaining to everyone what they've seen. Now it's mentioned that Gene used to live under a garage, hence his mechanical aptitude, but he says he's never seen a machine like the one Nip and Tuck have. And Frederick is checking whether they have enough food stored - he comes out of the storage area clearly having just swallowed some food, of course - and says that things look "fine" because they have enough to last until next trash day. Wait, that doesn't sound "fine"! Trash day is exactly when they're going to find out just how screwed they are!
On the morning of trash day, Joshua and his friend have snuck out again to get a glimpse of how the new truck works, and the trio of adult raccoons are also out and about - Benjamin is struggling to try and open a bin just like Joshua was earlier, which is a nice parallel, like it's showing that the adults aren't so different from the kids - but they all hide once the truck approaches.
So Nip and Tuck arrive, Nip driving the truck and giving the orders to Tuck, telling him to "activate the Trash-Matic". Two big tubes come out of the truck - one uses a magnet to lift the lids off the bins, and the other has a big nozzle that sucks out the garbage! I'm not sure how the magnet lifts the lid without lifting the bin up with it, though.
Joshua wants a closer look and jumps on top of one of the bins, which is when the adult raccoons realise that he's here. His friend runs to them for help, but the nozzle sucks up Joshua, and then it sets its sights on the other four raccoons too. They weren't on a bin, so does this machine just register all raccoons as garbage?!
Anyway, the five raccoons all end up in a big trash compactor compartment of the truck. At least, Gene, Joshua, and his friend do - Benjamin and Frederick get stuck in the tube due to their size. Gene pulls Benjamin through, and then both of them work together to pull Frederick through.
Gene: You are too fat, Fat Frederick!
Nip and Tuck register that something's jamming the nozzle, so they turn off the machine, unknowingly saving the lives of the raccoons, who escape through a side chute. Frederick tries to stop to grab some of the trash, but Gene tells him "No time for free samples", which is weird because they're all going to starve! Can't he at least take one second to grab whatever he can hold in his hands? Gene even makes him drop the apple core he's picked up! Tuck, looking into the nozzle, tells Nip to turn it back on, and it sucks off his hat and gives him a funny new hairstyle. Benjamin tells Joshua off again - give the kid a break already! - and then they all notice that the truck has driven off and there's no trash left behind anywhere, confirming their fears.
The oldest raccoon address the other raccoons once again at their Town Hall. He calls them ringtails, the first time that term is used outside of the title. When the crowd ask him how they're going to survive, he brings up a point you may have already reached yourself - that they can eat the things their ancestors ate before there were humans leaving trash around. He's even made a chart of the different kinds of animals they can eat - things like frogs, hermit crabs, and snails. But the reaction of the other raccoons is less than enthusiastic.
Raccoon man: Oh no, no way am I eating snails. I never eat anything that leaves a wet trail across a driveway.
How often does that principle of yours come up, man? And it's funny because the stuff the raccoons have gotten used to eating seems equally disgusting to us - the episode even points that out by having the old raccoon say it won't be as good as eating "old coffee grounds or bread crusts". But he says they have no choice, and so we get a montage of how life looks now that the raccoons can't eat garbage. A mother serves her son "salamander stew" and he hates it, and other kids have similar reactions to their new diets. One of them is served a "worm sandwich", presumably not made with bread, but we never get to see it to confirm.
Frederick: A roast caterpillar tastes just like delicious rotten tomatoes, kids! And fried beetle is scrumptious!
Raccoon girl: But Uncle Fat Fred, fried beetle's yucky!
Raccoon boy: And so is roast caterpillar!
That's how his own relatives refer to him? Anyway, the old raccoon has even worse news than kids not liking the food - he's calculated that there aren't enough wild animals around to sustain the raccoon population. He tells everyone that he has a new plan, and that they'll have to launch the "Ringtail Garbage Caper", which is almost the title of the story! Just missed that title drop there! Also, since they are ringtails, that's almost like saying that you have a human plan.
Next comes a montage of the raccoons stealing various things from the humans. A pair of shoes from someone's house, the padlock and key from someone's gate, and a straw hat from some guy's head. Being able to get in someone's house is an interesting thought, because the bins in people's houses are going to be a lot less raccoon-proof than the outdoor bins, but I suppose that's also a lot more risky in general.
Back in Raccoon Valley, Joshua and friend are watching the grown-ups prepare for their plan. Benjamin and Frederick are racing while wearing one of the shoes each - yes, they each fit in one, because remember actual ringtails are smaller than they keep getting drawn here.
And Gene is trying to unlock the padlock, because they need someone who can turn a key for the plan. It isn't going well, though, as the key wasn't made for raccoon fingers. And it's obvious what's going to happen as soon as Gene points out that someone with smaller hands might be able to do it - yes, they finally need Joshua for something! He proves that he can open the lock, and gets to join the others on the team for the plan. I don't know what the lesson to take away from that is, but I'm happy for the kid.
It's early the next morning at the sanitation yard. Nip and Tuck both apparently live in there together, sleeping in adjacent beds, which is reminding me of The Real Ghostbusters. Gene slips into their room to steal the keys for the truck, and escapes unseen. The full team for the plan is Gene, Frederick, Benjamin, Joshua, and the oldest raccoon - of course, we have no use for Joshua's friend now, so he has finally vanished from the episode. In the truck, it's Joshua's job to turn the key, which he finds much harder than the padlock, but with encouragement he eventually succeeds.
I would've expected to see the next stage of the plan from the raccoons' point of view, but we actually skip to sunrise, when Nip and Tuck leave the house to find that their truck is gone. They follow the tire tracks to the house of a woman called Mrs Tilton, who tries to tip them for their great work emptying the bins that morning, but they just leave her, bewildered. I mean, yeah, from their point of view a random thief has stolen their vehicle but then gone around and done their job for them! I can't imagine what they would think is going on.
They spot the truck up ahead, and now we - but not they - get to see how the raccoons are achieving this. Big Benjamin, inside one of the shoes, is hopping from pedal to pedal; Fat Frederick is holding up the oldest raccoon in the seat, so he can drive; and Greasy Gene is operating the dashboard controls for the machine, emptying all the bins into the truck. And Joshua is still there too. Oh, and the oldest raccoon has a new accessory...
Benjamin: What I do not get is, why did you need the straw hat?
Oldest raccoon: Don't know! I've just seen a lot of humans wear 'em when they drive!
Joshua spots Nip and Tuck coming, so the raccoons decide they have enough garbage and drive off, Nip and Tuck chasing them. And then the mayor spots Nip and Tuck chasing after their own truck and starts chasing them. Joshua, who seems to have appointed himself navigator, guides them up a big hill to an apparent dead end, the humans still in pursuit.
Then Joshua gets them to back the truck up to one of the edges of the hill and dump all the garbage down it. The other raccoons are confused but obey him anyway, which is really weird! When did he go from being just a kid to everyone obeying all his orders? Isn't the oldest raccoon the one in charge? What's going on here?
Nip and Tuck finally catch up with the truck and open it to see a bunch of raccoons fleeing, the oldest raccoon discarding his straw hat right in front of them. Presumably the voices we hear from the raccoons are just translated for our benefit and they wouldn't have been able to actually speak to the humans, but that was their one real chance to prove it.
And now we see what Joshua's idea with the trash was - it has formed a trash slope down the hill, and everyone slides down it right into the raccoon town hall, flooding it with garbage for all the raccoons to share! I must admit I didn't see that coming, although I did start to predict the final part of the ending once I saw it. Meanwhile, the mayor catches up to Nip and Tuck and they tell him he doesn't want to know what's been going on here.
So, that final part I was talking about - we see on some other trash day morning that Nip and Tuck have come to an arrangement with the raccoons, where the raccoons will be the ones to collect the rubbish in the same way as before! The raccoons get fed, and Nip and Tuck get to have a lie-in in the morning and still get paid! It does make me wonder about some of the fine details, like what happens to all the rubbish the raccoons have no use for, but it's still a nice ending for the story.
I must say, I enjoyed this a lot! I always say it's very possible to get nostalgia from something you haven't actually seen before, and watching this episode honestly made me feel like a kid again.